When Your Best Just Isn't Good Enough

Ever felt you just aren't good enough?

This is exactly how I've been feeling lately. Then to make matters worse I've been being stereotypically female and saying I'm "fine".

Tonight it finally hit me just how inadequate I am. Dominic and I attempted to have sex. It seemed to be going great. It was playful and there seemed to be a feeling of desperation, as though we each wanted the other just as much.

Then we got to the actual sex part.

Cue the issue.

Dominic couldn't 'get it up'. I tried everything I know usually works when there are practical issues but tonight nothing worked.

Eventually it got to the point where it was stiff enough. Literally the second I climbed on top it went "bye bye". This made me feel like a special kind of useless. I mean, how bad must I be to make it go soft during the act?

Once we finished, by finished I mean gave up, things took yet another turn for the worse ... the feeling of uselessness took over and I actually started to cry.

Dominic being Dominic he tried to calm me down and even attempted to make light of it. I know he didn't, and doesn't, know how I was feeling but the comment "Was it really that bad?" didn't really help.

He also asked why I was crying. To which my response was even worse than "I'm fine"; I actually said "I don't know".

What I really don't know is what I thought lying to him would achieve. On some level I guess I thought I was protecting him but I really should have learnt by now that this is not the way to go. So instead of explaining to him how I'm feeling I'm sat at my computer telling the internet how I'm feeling. This is leading to my feeling of inadequacy getting worse and worse and the phrase "he deserves better" has actually gone through my mind.

So now I have no idea what to do and generally feel like shit. Hopefully he'll understand that I don't understand and my scarily obvious inability to communicate won't lead to a fight and, potentially, worse.